Thursday, December 27, 2007

I am sooo bad!

OK, I really thought, since I am sooo opinionated, that I would totally rock this blog thing. I did not, however, remember that my laziness totally trumps all other traits! I am trying here, but I do apologize to the 6 of you who have bitten your nails to nubs waiting for my next post. LOL!

Anyhoo, the holidays are here. We spent Christmas with Carlos' brother and his family. Mom came with and we had such a good time. We watched the kids play their new Wii and laughed as my prissy niece beat my athletic niece at bowling. The athletic one, Erika, is older and quite competitive. She's a good sport and didn't get too upset that her little sister (in a skirt and dress shoes) was whooping her butt. I got more presents than I deserve...including a craft cart from my wonderful husband and a rocker/recliner (I have yet to pick out) from my mom.

Just a quick aside...with Philip, I got so big the last month that I could no longer sleep in bed...partially because I could not get up and down (the 100 times I needed to throughout the night) by myself. Long story short, I spent the month sleeping on a chair and ottoman combo in our living room. It was low enough that I could actually lift my fat butt all by myself. We gave away that set after Philip was born for several reasons. 1. It was way too big for our living room. 2. I couldn't bare to look at it anymore (me and my boy spent many hours bonding on that chair). 3. It was old (but in good condition) and the fabric choice did not really match our new furniture. The point: In case I get so huge toward the end and can no longer sleep in our bed...I really wanted a rocker/recliner. And, I think it also might be nice to rock the baby in it too. My mom, being so sweet, has offered to buy me one for Christmas. So, at some point we will go to Lacks and pick it out. No rush at this point as I am still able to sleep in my own bed.

I am going to the cemetery today to finalize the design for Philip's marker. Sorry if that is a bid morbid for some of you, but it is a big moment for us. We have been saving for many months to be able to pay for it and today is the day we finally get to order it. Carlos has to work, so mom will come with me. Carlos and I decided on the design some months back, so he is OK not coming along. We chose to have the stone laser cut, which gives you so much more detail. I wanted to add Philip's picture, but Carlos had reservations about that. Instead I am going to ask about adding a small frame that can be removed if we want. Nonetheless I am so thrilled to finally give Philip his marker. Poor kid, for the past 9 months, his crypt has been marked with a paper sign. Anyway, today a large marble block will be lifted from my shoulders. Yeah!

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday...and that many of you are still enjoying your holiday. I still have another week before I have to return to the office and I plan to enjoy every last day of it!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Thank you Christy

Several weeks ago Christy (an old friend of a friend and a new friend of mine) suggested I read a book called "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. It is the story of a pastor who was in a car accident and was legally dead for 90 minutes. Well, I went out and bought it and have made my way about half-way through it. It is an easy read, but sometimes difficult through tears. My initial intention in reading this book was to find out what it felt like for the author to go to heaven for 90 minutes. Strangely that part of the book is rather short. The middle part, where I am now, is about Don's recovery from the accident. I just finished up a chapter where Don realizes he needs to allow others to do for him. He is spending what amounts to months and months laying in a bed and everyone who visits offers to get him things or read to him. He continues to turn them down until on of his friends sets him straight. By allowing his friends and family to give what they could he is allowing them to heal and give him strength. In the end, he learns a huge lesson.

After Philip died, I was so out of it. I think in part it had to do with the 4 epidurals (a hospital record...I truly believe that medication stayed with me for days) and the pain meds I continued to take. It also had to do with putting off my grief until everything was done...the arrangements, the funeral. In those first couple of days I just gave up all power. Physically, because of the c-section, I just could not do alot. Reading Don's words made so much sense to me. In times like those you need to allow people to help. It does take some of the pressure off you, but it also helps them. Now ya'll know that is not my way...I am sooo independent...almost to a fault. But I let everyone help and boy did they! My friend Rhonda and my sister-in-law Amanda went on a shopping trip and found Philip the perfect outfit. My mom made all the arragements with the funeral home and the church and the cemetary. My brother and my friend Chris helped keep us all fed and keep Carlos sane. And my Aunt Colleen...master sleuth...looked all night via the internet for the perfect casket. I know that sounds a bit morbid, but the caskets for children (God forbid any of you have to know this) are really limited and many of them are quite ugly. They have some that look like large plastic containers (Google it if you think I lie), and others that are metal and cold. Colleen worked a miracle and found the perfect wood casket (just what I wanted). It was so beautiful and it was delivered all the way from Georgia in one day. Philip passed on Thursday morning and the service was Saturday. Everything needed to happen fast and it did. It was just another series of miracles from above.

Anyway, I will continue reading the book and more than likely learning more lessons. Thank you Christy for such a wonderful recommendation.