Super Busy Post of Brain Sludge

We have been uber busy this past few weeks. I am just listing these as they spill out of my head for my own memories. Feel free to skip this one. lol

1. School. Prepping for school this year was a little different than in years past. Cristian was going to be in Pre-K. The first year of 'real' school...
Let's rewind. For the last 3 and a half years Cristian has attended a Montessori school and a Christian school. The Montessori was our fave, fave, fave...but after moving away from Helotes it just wasn't an option. The Christian school was great until June. When they moved the kids up to spend the summer with their Pre-K teacher...who then spent weeks just babysitting them. I was not impressed with this 'summer schedule' and the lack of any real teaching or schedule. Cristian did not adjust and started regressing and showing signs of anxiety. But, being the good helicopter mom that I am (I totally wear that title proudly), I stepped right in. After speaking to the administration and getting the old 'it takes all kids awhile to adjust' and 'she is just a free-spirit'; I pulled him. Our new church had a school (Pre-K through 12) and it is basically next door to our house. After meeting the director and taking a tour I knew it was the right place. He had one week between old school and new school, so Dru came and stayed for the week so I could go into work. It was perfect.
So...since his new school provided supplies, I only had to shop for a new backpack and lunch accessories. Cristian would be taking his lunch and snacks for the first time, so I needed a few different sized containers. I also had to buy a new nap mat and make a cover and blanket.
Academy was out place for a backpack. Once we arrived and I saw the wall of Barbie and Avengers I thought we might be in trouble. But, my sweetie settled on an Austin clothing company $6.99 special. I threw in the Avengers spiral and pencils as a compromise. I do not buy character clothing, backpacks, shoes etc. so I try to compromise when possible. He actually has one Cars outfit that he got as a gift and I let him wear it for bed. Sorry, I'm just not a fan.
So, I got everything ready and even made his two teachers a little first day gift. He was so excited on his first day. Carlos came to the house and we took him to school together. He was thrilled. I got pictures. They are on Facebook. I will need to download them to this computer and update this post.

2. Church. Like I said, we are in process of joining an amazing church. I have attended (mostly) Methodist churches my whole life and I love the traditional services. However, our new place is not traditional and I even surprised myself that I love it so much. Music is my thing. I have always loved to sing even though I am not necessarily good at it. I sing all the time and Cristian doesn't seem to mind that I'm no Whitney Houston. He sings right along with me. All those years with the traditional hymns were nice...but...the contemporary songs I hear every Sunday now are exactly what I have been missing all these years. The worship is mostly music and it is perfect for me. I never knew I could really tap into my faith like I do now. I have always had a strong relationship with God. I have been a believer for so long and I have never felt disconnected from my faith. But worship has never been moving to me. Always just a comfort in the tradition. There is just something that I have found in that building. Something between the music and the people. The Holy Spirit just comes alive there and prepares me for battle...the battle of Monday through Saturday. Oh, and smooched between the amazing music is the message. Pastor Sean is amazing...he relates the Word to life..current life. I always feel like he is talking right to me as each message seems to be just what I need to hear that week. We missed service this week and I am really missing the refuel and it is only Tuesday. I need to get more involved. There is a class I need to take (when they offer it again) so we can join officially. I am also planning to join a small group soon and start meeting people. I am hesitant because I don't want to ruin it. You know, us humans, always messing stuff up with our sinning and cliquish behavior.

3. Life after death. This past week I attended two funerals. On Monday, I drove to this very tiny town to attend Mandy's father-in-law's funeral. I never met George's dad, but I love me some George, so it was important that I pay my respects. George is exactly who I would have picked for Mandy...probably because he is the male version of me in many ways (ha!)...but really because he loves her and her children. And they all love him. He is the sweetest guy with a heart of gold. And he is a straight shooter...which I can really appreciate. In addition, George has a sweetheart for a mom and a hilarious brother who fits right in with our clan...too bad he lives in Yankee territory. Lol! So after the service and the reception, I took the girl and angst-filled boy with me for the long ride home. I left chatty Cathy with Mandy. Ha! We had a nice drive to get Cristian and then on to Mandy's house for dinner. I've always loved Mandy's kids...I think of them as my family...but spending time with them as teenagers has been such a delight. I helped Mandy and George move this summer and was able to spend several weekends with them. Having conversations with teenagers is actually really fun. Their opinions and viewpoints are enlightening and highlight their excellent upbringing. I know I haven't been involved with them on a day to day basis in several years...but I was around allot during their early years, so I guess I can take a lot of credit for how great they are now. Ha! I'm kidding...sort of. Actually, I had to tell Mandy later that night what a great job she has done with them. They are really cool kids. I'm sure they would hate knowing that I said that. But, I don't care...they are really awesome. So after dinner at Mandy's, Cristian and I came home...much to his dismay as he wants to stay at Mandy's for ever...she lives in the country and they have a train track across the field. Need I say more? He loves the place!
We had got word on Sunday that my Uncle Steve's mom had died. It was such a shocker. She was only in her later 60's and it was sudden. Broke.my.heart. Mom and I just loved Kathy and we really wanted to attend the service. So, Tuesday afternoon we packed up and headed East. Cristian was able to stay at his dad's and not miss school, so I was happy that worked out as it did. Mom and I stayed at Ellen's and were able to see both of the new baby girls in our family. Precious babies gave me baby fever. Kathy's service was lovely and I was doing OK until they played that song by (I think) Steven Curtis Chapman...I Can Only Imagine. Oh man, I love that song and it was perfect, just perfect. When we got to the cemetery, I realized that Steve's parents had bought the tomb right above my Grandparents. That actually made me feel so much better. Knowing that Kathy would be right they next to my Granny and Papa and that they were there to welcome her home. I miss them so much.

4. Work. Well, we had a reorg at the office earlier this summer. My position was revamped and I was moved into a new department with a new manager. I basically do the same thing, but will also be taking on a few new tasks. It should be an interesting challenge. My new manager is really kind and gracious and has been supportive of my team as we transition. There were a few bumps along the way, but I have moved on from those and am feeling good about the change. This week I will be moving cubicles. My new team is on the other side of our wing and so I have to move. Tomorrow, in fact. I cleaned out my cube last week in preparation, so I am eager for the move so I can unpack my things and settle in my new digs.

5. My School. Oh, you mean you didn't know that I am going back to school? Well, I am. On October 22nd. Don't be jealous! I am thrilled. Lamar has an online program that is completely online and self paced. There are regular semester length classes and also 8 week condensed classes. I can't wit to get started on finishing my degree...finally!! It should take me somewhere between 1 1/2 and 2 years. I am a Junior, so it just depends on how much work I can handle. I started with just 2 classes during this first condensed session, so we shall see. Never, never, quit. Unless it is smoking, of course....then, never, never, start.

OK, I suppose that gets us up to speed on the latest happenings. There are a few more notes about Cristian's school challenges I wanted to cover, but that's enough for tonight.

The lastest is

Just a list of stuff for me...

Cristian stuff...mostly according to the man himself

1. Wearing a 5T and 11W shoe.
2. Favorite color: red
3. Favorite foods: popcorn, chicken nuggets, bananas, water & sweat tea
4. Loves outside, especially the playground, pool, and taking walks
5. This summer we have been to: East Texas for Reina's baby shower, Sea World (multiple times), Aunt Mandy's for Drucilla's birthday, Inflatable Wonderland for Sean Anthony's birthday, Schlitterbahn with Daddy
6. Favorite store: Costco (for the hot dogs and yogurt)
7. Prefers 'little pants' (shorts) to long pants & red shirts (which he owns none...silly boy)
8. Favorite toys: race cars and Captain America
9. Favorite book: Max and Ruby Easter book...who says you only talk Easter in the Spring?!
10. Favorite grown-up: Mommy (I was the only one around, so I'm thinking this is out of sight out of mind because Grammie is seriously his favorite.)
11. Favorite baby (stuffed animal) to snuggle: All of them! ( he says)
12. Best Friend: Sean Anthony
This summer was Cristian's first big boy party at the jump place. He is also starting a new school this fall. A private PreK-12 school opened right down the street from our house, so he will attend this year for PreK. I will be very excited next year when he can start public school and save me some money! Private school is expensive not to mention after school care. Argh! But, it is an amazing program, so we are excited. He can't wait to go to Big School. Looking forward to starting in just a few weeks!

Lasterday

C: Hey mom, do you member lasterday when we colored pictures?
Me: Lasterday?
C: Yes, lasterday? You member?
Me: I member. (he,he,he...lasterday?!?!)

C: Mommy, can we talk? (as we get ready for bed)
Me: Sure buddy, what's up?
C: Don't you want me to have a baby sister?
Me: Of course, but where will we get one?
C: Let's get alot of money and go to the baby store, then we can buy a bunch of baby sisters.
Me: Ummm, ok.

Me: Cowabunga!
C: Horse Abunga!

***It actually took me a minute to understand what he meant. He is so literal...such my child. He heard 'cow' - 'abunga' (two words), so his answer was (an animal) 'horse' - 'abunga'. Hilarious. Then he came at me with this little gem...

C: Funny Clown Car Abunga!
Me: hahahahahaha!!!!

The other say we went to get haircuts, but Cristian's stylist had a wait. We added his name to the list and then left to run next door to HEB. The minute we got out the door Cristian was all in a huff..

C: Mom, I need a haircut. We can't leave!
Me: No worries, baby, we are going to come back. We put your name on the list.
C: Good because my hair is furry.

He is really growing up, he even let Carla use the clippers around his ears. He has always been pretty annoyed at haircuts, but this time he sat so still and didn't even need me so much.

Goals for the year...6 months late.

Ok, ok, I know it is July and most people state their goals in January. But, honestly, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to accomplish this year and so I've been coasting for awhile and I've finally decided to cut it out and commit. So, here are the three BIG goals I want to accomplish over the last half of this year.

1. Register for school. I want to finish my degree via Lamar University Online. Step 1, register. I actually started the application some time back, but I didn't have all my transcript info. Finishing the application and pressing SUBMIT would really only take an hour or so.
Update - registered and starting Oct. 2012!

2. Lose weight. I know how much weight I want to lose overall, but in 6 months I'm not sure what a realistic goal should be for that amount of time. Instead, I am committing to 1 hour per day of activity (walk with Cristian, work-out DVD, swimming laps). Whatever really, just one hour per day...no days off. I am also back on weight watchers. No meetings, just me using the point system on my own. The third part of this goal is Meatless Mondays. I am trying to eat less meat, so I'm starting with one meatless day a week.

3. Find a church and get involved. I have been listening to services from several churches in my area via the WWW for awhile now, but I have yet to visit in person. This week will be Cristian's first time to attend church in over a year. I know...bad mom. We watch church on TV and that counts for something. But, I really want him to have a church home. A place to learn about Jesus and to fellowship with other believers. Cristian attends a private Christian school and they have chapel one day a week, so he does get some exposure there...but I want Sunday mornings to be a time for our family to worship together. Once I decide on the place, I am most looking forward to joining a Bible study. I've never been apart of a small group before, so that will be a new adventure for me.
Found one! RCCC is the place to be. Perfect fit for us, tons of familes with littles and a great community.

Well, there they are, my 3 goals for the last half of the year. I will try to update every week or so with my progress. Here's to hope the beginning of 2013 includes school, church, and my skinning jeans.

Influence and Dog Poop

I know I don't have a dog, but I'll get to that in a bit.

My fears of peer influence are starting to come to fruition. Cristian has been talking about super heroes alot lately. We don't watch or chat about them at home. His best buddy at school has been teaching him about all the major heroes and how they fight the bad guys. No harm done really, but I hate that he is learning things that I didn't 'approve'. This is the internal struggle that kills me the most. My plan for my life has changed so much over the years. I never put much thought into homeschool etc...until I had children. Now, I am so disappointed that I wasn't properly prepared so that I could have stayed home with Cristian. I love his teachers and have been happy with the schools he has attended...but leaving him open to influence at this young age bothers me. I know I can't protect him from the world...but at almost 4 years old I would like to protect him a little while longer. At least until his emotions and brain are mature enough to comprehend some of the craziness of this world.

Yes, it is just super heroes...but right now it feels like so much of a bigger deal.

So...dog poop. I live in an apartment complex that is filled dog owners and their dogs. There are no weight restrictions here, which means you get some pretty large piles. There are plenty of disposal areas stocked with little green bags, but poop has kind of been an issue since we moved it. A few months after we got here a flyer was placed on our doors about fines etc from not picking up poop. Things have gotten better, but occasionally I still see some here and there. Yesterday, Cristian and I were swinging on the playground right outside our front door (our unit looks out over the playground and the pool...so convienient) and I noticed a man and his dog. We live near an Airforce base and a big Military Hospital, so we have lots of Military familes in our complex. The guy out with his dog was in a wheel chair, missing both of his legs from the knee down. I've seen him before, but I didn't know he had a dog. He drives a beautiful black Cadillac CTS and he gives me the little two finger wave from the steering wheel when we pass leaving or arriving...I guess because we both have Cadillacs. Anyway, I watched him and his dog and then they went back into their unit...and it dawned on me. There are several wounded warriors living here and maybe that is part of the poop problem. I mean, how would he pick-up poop? Well, I guess he could use one of those claw things, but then what...put the poop-filled claw on his lap while he wheels over to the trash? Seriously? Not on my watch. So, I did what any proper citizen would do. After our playtime, I went back outside armed with a baggie and picked up his dog's poop. It was disgusting and totally part of the reason I don't have a dog. But, I would do it again.

Living in this complex has given me several opportunities to explain sacrifice to Cristian. I don't use the word 'war', but we do talk about how the soldiers protect us from the bad guys. He knows the big red Hospital is where the doctors help the soldiers when they get sick or hurt. He thinks wheel chairs and prosthetic legs are really cool...which I love, because they are. Giving freedom back to those that have fought for ours.

Show Us Your Life - New Friends

Linking up to Kelly's Korner again this week hoping to make some new friends in the area. Other than my wonderful coworkers, I don't really have any close friends living near me.

If you are here from Kelly's Korner, I'm am thrilled to "meet" you! Ha! My name is Stacey and I am a thirty-something single mom in San Antonio. I grew up here, but moved around alot after high school. I have been back in the area for some time now, but most of my close friends have all moved away. I was married for several years and I have two boys. My oldest, Philip Cole, was born in 2007 with Trisomy 13. He was with us for a couple of days before going to be with Jesus. My second baby, Cristian, was born in 2008. He is an amazing little guy and the center of my universe. I have been single for a little over a year. I would love to find the right person to spend my life with the have lots more babies, but right now I am really focused on planting some roots and getting my ducks in a row.

I recently went to a Dave Ramsey seminar and was so inspired. I don't have much debt, but there was so many simple things that I didn't know about managing my money. I have kind of reached the pinnacle in my current career and am looking to make a change. I'll be going back to school this summer. Not sure exactly what I want to do when I finish, maybe teaching, maybe accounting. I have been working for a publishing company for 12 years and I am ready for something new, something different. I'm excited even though I'm not sure of my destination yet. Cristian and I have been looking for a new church. We have tried a few in the area, but haven't decided yet. I am very indesicive and always worry I will make the wrong choice, so getting passed my own weirdness is a challenge..but, I'll get there eventually.

Just a little bit about me and my little. Looking forward to meeting you!

Show Us Your Life - T-13, Our Miracle Baby

I'm a little behind the 8 ball the last few weeks. I have been neglecting my blog...again. But today is different. I get the chance to spill about my little miracle Philip Cole, so of course I am on it!
Kelly from Kelly's Korner is hosting Show us Your Life - Moms who have lost children. Of course, this is the group no one ever wants to join. Losing a child is the most devestating thing that has ever happened to me and here is my (our) story.

About half way through my first pregnancy (October 2006) I got a call from my doctor. That in itself was weird, because usually a nurse would call if the office needed something. My doctor told me that he needed me to come in the very next day for a sonogram. My blood test from my appt. earlier that week came back flagged. He made the sono appt for me and we hung up. I was pretty freaked out and left the office early and cried the whole way home.

Of course, now (over 5 years later) I can readily admit that I already knew something was wrong. At the time I chalked it up to “this is my first pregnancy.” But, now, I can say now I knew all along…from the day I took the home pregnancy test.

So, the next day my husband and I went together for the sonogram. The technician was amazing and sweet, but it only took a few minutes for her to see that the blood test was not a false positive. My doctor came in and asked that we go to a specialist. The specialist would have a better quality sonogram machine and could tell us more about what might be wrong with the baby. The only part of that day that was good was finding out the sex of our munchkin. We were having a boy…exactly what we had hoped for.

The very next week we went to a specialist and then to another specialist the next week. In the end, we were not given a diagnosis. We were told it could be Down’s syndrome or something else, they just wouldn’t know without an amnio.

For us, termination would never be an option. For us, life and death is only decided by God. So, having the amnio was a risk I wasn’t sure I wanted to take. However, having a diagnosis would give us more information about our son and allow us to find the appropriate doctors to help him. I have a cousin who’s 1st daughter had been very ill when she was born. There was no indication of her illness before birth, so my cousin and her husband and their doctors were caught completely off-guard and unprepared. Their little girl only lived for 4 months. I called my cousin for support and advice. Was the amnio worth the risk? After speaking to her, we decided it was. Having all the information, including a diagnosis, would help us provide the best medical support to our son.

I had the amnio at 8am on a Wednesday morning. To be honest, my husband and I both thought he probably had Down’s Syndrome. I have a close friend from High School with Down’s and she is amazing. She is 34 and has a job and is just the sweetest girl. She graduated from high school with me and she is my best friend’s cousin, so I have watched her grow up. Of course, she still lives at home and I’m sure she has had some medical challenges. But, she is what I was basing my fears on…and having a child similar to her was not scary for me at all.

We were expecting to have to wait 72 hours for the results of the amnio, but my specialist had put in a rush at the lab and we got the call at 5pm the very next day. Philip Cole did not have Down’s Syndrome. He was diagnosed with Patau’s Syndrome, or Trisomy 13. There are several different version of Trisomy 13 and Philip had the most severe, Full Trisomy 13. I hung-up the phone and melted onto the floor of my kitchen. My husband got home a little while later and after an hour of tears we googled. We found the Livingwithtrisomy13.org website on our first search. This site changed our outlook. I signed up for the online support group and met some amazing families who gave us the support we desperately needed then. In fact, I am still in contact with several of the moms I met through that site. We shared Philip’s story on the site, the link is in the side-bar on the right.

After many doctors appt. we decided that the best course of action (or non-action) was Comfort Care. Philip’s condition revolved around a brain that was just not created properly and in the end would most likely not be able to lead the functions of his body. We wanted to make sure that the time we had with him was sent snuggling with us and our family, and not in a NICU surrounded by strangers. Every family must choose what is right for them and this was the right choice for us based on the medical information we received and many, many prayers.
Despite our doctors expectations, Philip survived the pregnancy and after a long induction was born via cesarean at 2:08am on March 7, 2007. He was 8 pounds 13 ounces and 21 inches long. He breathed on his own. He peed, he pooped, he burped. Other than his little feeding tube that ran into the side of his mouth (his cleft lip and palette prevented him from sucking on a bottle…even the specialty bottles didn’t seem to work for him) and his IV on his hand…he had no other medical intervention.

Our entire family came to the hospital and showered our precious boy with love. He was such a sweetie and only cried when they stuck him for his PKU (I can’t blame him for that one…in fact I didn’t know why they even had to take that test at all). On our second day in the hospital, Philip’s temperature dropped and we were told that he would not be with us for much longer. He lived for 32 hours and 58 minutes outside the womb and died in my arms.
The days after he died were a mix of emotion. Times when I cried for hours and never felt hungry. Other times where my family would make me laugh and my scar would hurt. One of the nurses told me about using cabbage leaves in my bra to keep my from getting engorged. So, in the middle of the grief and the funeral planning I was trudging around with cabbage in my bra. It just doesn’t get more real than that. Sometimes I just had to let go of the grief and laugh at the spectacle of it all. When calling around looking for a “Youth-sized casket” (as Philip was too big for a baby one), my aunt got into a bit of a tiff with a funeral director who insisted that selling a “used” casket was illegal. They did get it sorted out, but that definitely became one of those ‘funny despite the grief’ stories.

The Saturday after Philip died we celebrated his short life with a lovely service at our church. We were completely over-whelmed with the amount of people that came to support us.

Through this journey with Philip Cole I never hated God or turned away. You always hear stories of other people and their challenges and you think “If that were me, I would just die. I couldn’t take that kind of pain.” There were days were I did feel completely overcome with pain and grief…but on those days especially I leaned on Jesus. There were other days where I did smile and things felt (sort of) normal again. I will never be the person I was before, but because of my little miracle Philip, I am a much better person now. A little over a year after Philip went to be with Jesus, the good Lord blessed us with our second little miracle, Cristian.

Cristian is now a very healthy almost 4 year old. He is super smart and very sweet and knows exactly how to make me laugh and push my buttons. I am a better mom to him because of the lessons I learned from Philip. I am a more patient mom and a more loving mom. I cover him with kisses several times a day. Cristian knows his big brother is in Heaven with Jesus. He doesn’t quite get it at this point, but it is important to me that he knows his full family.

I am a single mom now, co-parenting Cristian with his and Philip’s dad. Their dad and I are very close friends and are committed to maintaining a grounded family unit even though we are no longer married.

Losing a child is devastating. Hearing other families stories still puts me in tears every time. However, I would not trade my experience with Philip Cole for anything (unless that anything was a healthy Philip Cole, of course). His short life brought so much to our family. He gave me strength in God that I didn’t know I had. I was always a believer, but leaning on God so completely was something I had never done before. That leaning was the only reason I came away from it with a positive outlook. Don’t get me wrong, I still miss him with all my heart, I still cry in grief sometimes and I would give anything… But, I cannot change what has happened, I can only move forward. Life keeps going…which is completely frustrating and annoying when you first lose someone you love. How can people keep moving forward?? You just want the world to stop. But, it doesn’t. And, with time and faith, I have found that wounds do heal (mostly) and you can find the positive if you search your heart and you pray a lot.

All is well & Spring Break

So...it has been abusy week getting back into the swing of things post-spring break. Cristian must have missed school because he was ready to go every morning this week without a complaint. We did end up feeling much better by the end of last week and were able to salvage a few adventures. My Aunt and Cousins came in town for a little weekend getaway. We enjoyed the Riverwalk and Friday and Sea World on Saturday. I haven't uploaded the pictures but I will this weekend and I will update this post with all the gory details. We had a blast all weekend and ended the festivities with a surprise Birthday Breakfast on Sunday for LizzyBird. She was so cute Saturday when she said, "You know yesterday, when I was 8..." Cracked me up.

Hole in my Face

Cristian recently noticed I have a hole in my eyebrow. I had a piercing there in college and it has never fully closed up.

C: What is that? (touching my eyebrow)
Me: Oh, that is a hole.
C: Why?
Me: When I was in college I had an earring in my eyebrow.
C: Why? (giving me the "are you crazy" look)
Me: Because I was young and dumb.
C: I don't like it.
Me: I don't either, but it is there now and I can't make it go away.
C: It is ugly Momma, you should get it fixed.

Thanks kid.

Not my child

In the car on the way home:

Me: Hey Cristian, let's go eat at Cheddar's. It is Friday and I don't feel like cooking.
C: No thank you. You're a good cook Mommy, let's go home.
Me: You think I am a good cook?
C: You are a good kitchen helper Mommy.

Kitchen helper?? Since it is just the two of us, I can only assume that I am his helper as he barks orders from the living room. Stinker.

The Flu

I've been so obnoxious lately telling everyone how we made through this year with no sickness. I mean last year I had strep and Cristian had it twice...combined with a few ear infections, it was a tough year. I chalked it up to Cristian attending a new school with new kids and new germs.

So...on Saturday mom and I noticed Cristian wasn't really eating much and by Sunday he still wasn't really eating. I thought he might be going through a stage (although not eating is pretty rare him). He was acting himself so I didn't think too much of it. Late Sunday night he had a bloody nose and we quickly realized that he was burning up. His temp was a bit over 103. Cristian runs hot most of the time, but 103 is high even for him. I pulled out the acetaminophen and we started treating the fever. By 3am he was crying and his temp was over 104. I stripped him down, gave him another dose of medicine, and added a cold compress to his back. He slept until 10am, but woke up still running a fever over 103.

Off to Texas Med Clinic we went. Of course, by the time we got in to see the nurse his temp was down to 101 and he was cracking jokes. You would never have known he was sick. That kid has a habit of making me look like that mom...you know the hypochondriac mom who takes her kid to the doctor when every time he sneezes. Ha! So, they swabbed him and he tested positive for the flu. Yay. I know I am nuts, but I was actually hoping for strep. I've never had the flu and he hasn't either...I don't know what to do with the flu.

Since we caught it early they said we could get the Tamiflu, which was a relief. As long as his fever is gone by tomorrow, he can still make it on our family outing to Sea World on Saturday. In fact, bribing him with Sea World is what I am doing to get him to take that nasty Tamiflu. Ha! Whatever works. Medicine is tricky and sooo important (which his 3-year-old brain can not rationalize), so I am more than willing to bribe.

Tomorrow, while he continues to lay around and watch Nick Jr. I will be super cleaning. In addition to regular laundry, every sheet, blanket, towel, rug etc. will get washed. I have to wipe down every surface and door handle. Anything he has touched is going to get disinfected. So fun. The upside, hopefully, I won't get it. I think I'm probably just a carrier anyway. Besides last year's Strep I rarely get sick. Growing up I just assumed that I was a carrier. Ha!

So, I cancelled the professional photo session I had planned for us and have rearranged my spring break schedule to accommodate Cristian's quarantine. In the end, we will get to spend oodles of hours just hanging out and that is just fine with me. With all the health news I see on FB, I am so grateful that Cristian was diagnosed with a treatable condition.

Lighten the Mood

It has been a tough day...as all of Philip's birthdays are. Carlos picked up Cristian and we went together to the cemetery. Cristian is starting to put two and two together now and as a result he kept looking around asking where Jesus was. I'm trying not to scare him about death. My great grandmother died when I was very little and it scarred me for a long time. I cried myself to sleep scared of dying for years. Seems silly now, but I am trying very hard to make him understand that Philip was sick and he went to be with Jesus so he could be healed. I don't like to use the words death or died because they might be scary for him. I told him we were going to see Philip's stone and that me and his dad feel close to Philip when we are there and we talk to him. At the worst, Cristian might grow up thinking we are both crazy (not that I can argue with that one), but hopefully he won't grow up scared of dying. Hey, these kids don't come with a manual, I'm doing the best that I can. I really do try to think things out for him and present them in a positive way. I'll let you know in 20 years if I totally screwed him up. :-)

So, anyway, after all that Carlos took Cristian and I came home. Cristian has been having some anxiety about not sleeping in his bed, so Carlos brought Cristian home tonight instead of him staying at his house. So, after bath and as I put on his pajamas this little gem of a conversation happened...

C: What are those? (pointing to my lady humps)

Me: Those are breasts. (trying not to laugh)

C: Why are they there?

Me: Well, when a woman has a baby she feeds the baby with her breasts.

C: What is in there?

Me: Milk, baby milk.

C: Can I have some?

Me: Ummm, no. Mommies only have milk when the babies are very little. Once the babies get teeth in their mouth the milk goes away. Then the little kid eats food, like you. And milk from the jug and not baby milk from the breasts.

C: Oh, so you don't have milk in there?

Me: Not anymore because you are not a baby anymore.

C: Ok. Can I have a banana?

Seriously?? My kid cracks me up. I am so glad I got back on this blogging thing because just this week I have been able to save some great moments. We had the penis talk some time ago...you know the one where you have to let him know where and when it is appropriate to yank on that thing. But, the breasts too? I mean geesh, he is only 3...I thought I would have until 6 or 7 before these uncomfortable conversations. A.w.k.w.a.r.d. And just because I feel the need, here is an apple smile so we can end the day with a couple of giggles.

5 years

Tomorrow, March 7th, will be my Philip's 5th birthday. It is almost hard to believe that it has been that long since I held my little man. I miss him everyday. My emotions are really raw this evening and I know they will be more so tomorrow. I'm not going to go into the details...just too hard.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of my little dude. I bought this Polo Track Suit the week we found out he was a boy. I was so hell bent on him coming home, that it didn't occur to me to bring "nice" pajamas to the hospital. I was really unprepared for the whole picture taking aspect of having a sick kid. I wanted tons of pictures while he was with us...but all the ones with me in them look like this...hideous robe and standard issue hospital gown. Let's all keep in mind that I was in labor for 2 days and after 4 epidurals I had a cesarean section at 2 in the morning...hence the death warmed over look of my very pale face. Nonetheless, let's all just be mesmerized with those fat cheeks of my baby boy. 8lbs, 13 oz, 21 inches long...big & strong & stubborn. A gift from God who answered several of my prayers...not only did I get to meet my baby, but I got 32 hours and 58 glorious minutes of life with him. So many blessings. Love you sweets, miss you more than I can say. No words for how much I love you...and as Cristian has said, You are our Hero.

To the Moon

My hot rollers died this morning...so after dinner we hopped in the car and ran to Target. It was such a nice evening that we opened the roof and enjoyed looking at the moon on the way.

C: We're going to the mooooooon!!!!
Me: Ha! I wouldn't even know how to get to the Moon.
C: Mommy, you just have to go past the Milky Way, through the Space Rocks and then you get to the Moon.
Me: Smarty pants.

Growing Up

The other night we went to bed and while I tried to fall asleep, Cristian talked himself to sleep.


"Mommy, I don't want to grow-up. Because I don't know everything so I can't grow-up. I want to stay small until I know everything."


Oh, from the mouth of babes. Wouldn't being a grown-up be easier if we knew everything?? Genius, that kid.

Calling Jesus

Cristian knows that Philip is in Heaven with Jesus. Although he is still very young and very literal, I think it is important that we use the appropriate lingo with him. But, sometimes he says the cutest things and I don't always know what to say in return. This conversation took place a while back:

C: Mommy, my brother Philip is in Heaven with Jesus.
Me: Yep, that's right buddy.
C: Can you call them so they can come to our house and see us?
Me: Hmmm...I don't think they have phones in Heaven baby.

Our hero

This month is Trisomy Awareness month. The 13th of the month is particularly special as it is the day we celebrate our wonderful Trisomy 13 family. It is also super special that Philip's birthday is this month. So amazing to me that he would have been 5 this week. How fast the time has pasted and yet, I still feel like just yesterday I was kissing his chubby cheeks.


This past Saturday, Cristian and I were laying down (I was trying to get a nap out of him because I needed one too). As we chatted I mentioned that this week is Philip's birthday. In response Cristian said, "Mommy, I wish he was here with us because he is my hero." It took all I had to not burst into tears.

Horse Poop

As we drove home the other day Cristian decided to school me on all things horse poop. It went something like this:

C: "Mommy, you know that horses poop on the ground just like dogs."
Me: "That's right baby, all animals poop."
C: "Yeah, they can poop in a bag too, a Poop Bag."
Me: "Yep. They have to wear the poop bag when they walk on the street so they don't poop on the road."
C: "Oh, so we don't get the poop on the tires, right Mommy?"
Me: "Right buddy."

I have no idea where these conversations come from. That kid cracks me up.

Rodeo San Antonio!

A couple of weeks ago we went to the Rodeo in San Antonio. Mom was with her friends that day, so it was just the two of us. That was really the first time I have taken Cristian somewhere by myself. Obviously, we go shopping and whatnot alone...but this was the first 'event' that we attended alone. It was really run and he was super well behaved. We had such a good day.

He had to get a picture in front of this 'monster tire'.

Cristian took this one all by himself...he lines it up and pushed the button. Love it! Did you know I'm Special? I am.

Love the carousel. Rode it twice.

This was the second time...I had been holding his leg, for obvious reason (see that crazy metal rigging in the middle...I didn't want him to slip). This second time he told me to stop holding him because he wasn't a baby anymore. O.k...so I took pictures instead...while facing backwards, but spinning forward. And yes, my tummy paid the price for this cute pic, but it was all worth it.

Our favorite part of the Rodeo: the swine races! Love those little piggies racing for an oreo.

We had a great day. We saw lots of animals and people and had some VanDeWalle tacos. Yum! I did give in and bought C. a rubber band gun. It isn't as bad as it sounds...it doesn't stretch the bands enough to hurt when you shoot (it you even accidentally shoot someone), but it is good for target practice. To be honest, I think I have played with it more that C. Ha!

Busted Lip & Margaritas

Yesterday I dropped Cristian off at school and as he walked over to me he tripped over one of the other kids and fell face first to the ground. Luckily he has awesome reflexes so he caught himself just an inch or two above the cement floor. Yay! No smashed face! Then he burst into tears, I helped him up thinking he was just startled...but then I saw blood. He had saved his nose but bit his lip in the process. It was bleeding like crazy and immediately puffed right up. Poor kid, he has full lips (which are precious), but when they get fat, they get really fat. So, he ended up with a big ol' busted lip. I stayed around for a bit to get him settled while the rest of his class went to the cafe for breakfast. Once he was calm I took him over to join his class. He sat down and immediately all the boys were asking to see it and if it hurt and "cool!" They are really bred that way...I'm pretty sure none of their parents taught them to oooh and ahhh over scars and blood, they just do, instinctively. Here is a picture from last night.

It looks better than it did in the morning, but you can still see it is a little swollen. I asked him after dinner if he wanted to go get an ice cream cone. He said no, that he wanted to stay home and play soccer instead. O.k. Well, that was until bed time rolled around and then he was all about getting ice cream. It was, obviously, too late so I convinced him that he could have some today. This morning he woke up and asked, "Can I watch Jake with my ice cream cone?" Ha! So I said, "You can watch Jake, but no ice cream for breakfast." His response, little stinker, "But, mommy, you said last night I could have ice cream cone today." Well, he got me...luckily I convinced him to wait and have ice cream after dinner tonight...and since he was with Carlos today, I had to call and tell his dad to make sure and give that kid a cone!

On a different note...I got to have a lovely dinner with my very dear friend A. this evening. She is such an awesome lady that I have known for a number of years. We met at work forever ago, but she moved companies 5 years ago and we haven't been in touch for awhile. Strangely, we are both recently divorced and living, literally, down the street from each other. Ha! So great to reconnect and have a nice, long, full of conversation dinner that even included margaritas. Yum! I'm thrilled that through it all we just started where we left off. Isn't it soo cool when you have a friend like that? I have a few of them...I feel like that is how you know that you have a true friendship...time doesn't change your love for each other.

Nascar's Newest Fan

For the first time in history the Daytona 500 was postponed yesterday due to rain. Which was strangely lucky for me. Cristian was with his dad yesterday so we are getting to watch all the action together. Yay! I know, I know, you had no idea I liked Nascar. Well, the truth is I like all sports...including car racing, skulls & even curling. Unfortunately, I don't get ESPN with my cable package so I gotta get what I can from the major networks. Anyhoo, I am very surprised that Cristian is totally into it. For the first 30 minutes he sat in silence. Love that kid. So, I am dubbing him Nascar's Newest Fan. Ha!

On an entirely different topic, I worked from home today. I wasn't feeling so hot this morning. I've been having these vivid dreams lately and I haven't been sleeping well. Ok, ok, not those kind of dreams. Weird dreams. I had one last week where I dreamed one of my co-workers (that I only know by name...I have never even spoke to this person) died from alcohol poisoning. See, I told you, weird. The last few nights I just keep dreaming that I needed to apologize to someone. Strange. I never do anything wrong why would I ever dream of apologizing?? Ha! I'm kidding. Actually, this has a longer story to it. I was on Facebook last week and I was reading a post from an old high school friend. One of the comments on her post was from another friend from high school that I haven't seen in many years. He was a good friend but as we all know I was sort of messed up back then and we lost touch after graduation. So, of course I friend requested him. He accepted, and ever since I have been thinking about way back when. My best memory of this guy was when he defended me to a group of guys talking smack. I didn't know about it until later when he reluctantly admitted what he had done. I was so young and dumb I don't even know if I said Thank You. I was so use to men/boys treating me like crap that I didn't know what to do when one of them was actually nice to me. I was such a mess back them. Just stuffing down all the emotions of divorce and a dad who never had time for me. Yuck! Anyhoo, so seeing this person on Facebook made me think of all of that and apparently my dreams are telling me to go with it and just send him an email saying thanks for being a friend way back when, especially since I wasn't the easiest person to be friends with. Think I'll send that tonight...maybe I can finally get some sleep.

Been a long time

It has been a year of change. Cristian is almost 4...Philip would have been 5 next week. We have moved again and I am taking on a different role at work. All good in their own ways. It has been nice having a 15 minute commute as opposed to an hour commute. Cristian has been throwing less fits...as in I can't even remember the last time he had a tantrum. Hazzah! I am enjoying learning new things at the office and doing some crosstraining. I went back on Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago. They have meetings at my office, so I really have no excuses. It works...I just have to stay focused. No emotional eating...no boredom eating...I have to stay busy. I've been at my company for 12 years so I know I can commit...now I just need to show a little of that in my healthy lifestyle commitments. I want to live...if not for me, then for Cristian. With a little sweat I may even get to my goal weight by the end of the year. Wow, that would be a great New Years. Would love to have a new love to go with that imaginary body I am planning...one thing at a time! Our divorce will be final soon! A simple, no issues divorce is a pain in the butt! Ha! We thought, why pay for an attorney, this is a simple divorce. No property, no splitting assets. Simple. We decided to just put together the paperwork and file it ourselves. Ha! What a joke the county offices are???!!! It has taken months to get a court date...now I'm thinking I should have just bit the bullet and paid an attorney...it doesn't matter now, argh.

So, things are moving along. Cristian is doing so well at school. His teachers like him and he adores them. He has two close friends that he plays with at school and talks about constantly at home. He loves to drum (on the new drum I bought him...yes, I'm a glutton) and shoot his rubber band gun (another new toy, from our trip to the rodeo...he has me wrapped around his finger). He likes to tell Grammie how she 'knows everything' and he expects her to answer all his questions. Yes, she lies sometimes....she likes to say that she is not lying but just 'making up stuff'. I don't really see the difference but whatever gets him to stop asking 'why?'!!

I'm doing ok. Still trying to wrap my brain around being single. It has been almost 7 years since I was last single. How does dating work...more to the point where will I meet dates? Yikes! Actually, it didn't take me long to get use to being the boss again. I've never had a problem being independent...I always prefer to have my way anyway. Ha! But, there are times when I would like to have another adult around to talk to. As it is I talk to myself far too much! :-) Kidding...maybe. Oh, and having someone to kiss and hug and all that would be nice too. Who knows what the future will hold, only time will tell. I'm in no rush...but I am sort of. I still want more babies and I'm already...err...34...so I can't wait forever. Please God, send me the man of my dreams...and do it fast!

I said this last year, but this year I think I am more serious about it. I am going to write a few times a week on this blog. I probably won't post a ton of pictures as that takes much more effort that I can muster in the evening...but I will try to tell our stories. A little about me and a little about Cristian. Day to day happenings that will be nice to look back on years from now.